Learning to Hear Memories that Talk in Whispers

When I look at the rare images of my grandparents’, I never see them smiling. Even when photographed in casual situations, they sit or stand calm and composed, as if fully aware of the shooting process' long-lasting importance. With their lips tightly closed and eyes squinted, they seem to be able to exchange glances with today’s adult version of me — facing immigration, switching countries, flats, and jobs, but remaining true to myself and my people. True to the memories I have of those who seldom talked about themselves. Voicing the lessons of their past is my duty.

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My Great-granddad Saw the Statue of Liberty

In the part of the world where I was born, researching family history was a pastime rather unpopular. Soviet children were more encouraged to learn the biographies of mythical martyr-pioneers than those of their own grandparents. Books describing in detail the self-sacrifice of young Zoya and Shura Kosmodemyansky were solemnly handed to outstanding pioneers – not without the automatically expected readiness to follow their heroic path one day.

With our heads crammed with the names of politically correct biographies, we lacked genuine interest to what was around, real, and much more relevant. We lacked curiosity and respect to our own yesterday – something that the Empire was eager to make us never know.

And we never did.

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When Monuments Can(Not) Speak

Scheiße!...” he whispers, tearing his eyes from the mobile phone and uneasily looking around. “Mauthausen OÖ Gedenkstätte/Memorial,” repeats the indifferent voice of the announcement – obviously not the bus stop the little passenger in bright sport shorts was planning to get off. For a while, we remain the only travelers on Bus 361 that rattles along the gravel road through the bucolic landscape of Upper Austria. And although our stories and destinations have little in common, still there is something that brings us together. We are both afraid of what we could find there. He probably more.

The creation and management of sites dedicated to remembrance is crucial and, in many ways, reflects not only the history of the former places of terror but also political course of the state – its past, present, and future. On my trip to Mauthausen and Gusen memorial sites, I expected to find a monument to grief attended by travelers from all over the world, a space for mourning and a promise to learn the lessons that had cost hundreds of thousands lives. Instead, I discovered something else: fearful scarce concentration camp visitors hastily passing by the plaques and the flocks of teenagers moving from barrack to barrack in scared sacred silence, exposed to the place of death of 90 000 people as a part of obligatory school curriculum. “You know what,” a friend would write me later that day, “a guy who once worked in Mauthausen told me that it took them much effort to stop teachers who accompanied the groups of 14-year-olds from closing the kids in the lower ground level execution cellar so that they “could better feel the atmosphere”.

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Memory Landscapes: Between Lost Hopes and Temporary Solace

Even though in the Second World War every fourth citizen of Belarus was killed, our sites of memory are not numerous. Last century, our ancestors had to face not two but three wars (with the third one waged by the Stalin regime against its own population), but in my homeland most are now silent — or silenced. Historical traumas have to battle for a place under the sun of memory, and in many post-Soviet countries it was the victorious rhetoric that won.

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Farewell, Memory!
Have we lost the art of remembering? With the inescapable reach of digital memory and the rise of state-led censorship — as seen in Putin’s Russia — our ability to remember is in existential danger

The black box of human memory has always been an intriguing subject, hasn’t it? Its immense power drives every facet of daily life — to recognize faces, to guide us to the office, or to dial a pin code — while never really knowing why and what exactly we remember and for which reasons we forget. For centuries the mysteries within this black box inspired philosophers, poets, and scientists to break its code — to no avail. Whether it was the romantic notions of Marcel Proust, mesmerized by intense childhood recollections, or the ambitions of Franz Gall, pioneering an ill-begotten pseudoscience, these thinkers ultimately failed to elucidate all the mysteries of human memory. Mnemosyne, it appears, is good at preserving her secrets.

And yet, not one of these thinkers could have predicted how the inner workings within the black box would now be leading an autonomous life out of it. Today, as our dependence on digital memory takes hold, our capacity to remember has diminished, leaving our senses vulnerable to manipulation and misremembering.

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Flucht aus Belarus

Im Jahr 2021 verließ ich Belarus, nicht wissend, ob ich je zurückkehren würde. Unter den Gegenständen, die ich für die wertvollsten hielt, befand sich ein Bild meines Urgroßvaters – es zeigt Mitrofan Serebryakovs Begräbnis im Jahr 1938. Hier steht es, genau vor mir, auf meinem Schreibtisch, nachdem ich in fünf verschiedenen Wohnungen innerhalb von zwei Jahren gelebt habe. Aus dem Nebel des Sepiadrucks, der fast durch ein Jahrhundert von Geburten und Todesfällen schimmert, taucht ein ansehnlicher, bärtiger Mann auf, den ich nicht kenne; friedvoll liegt er in einem offenen Sarg. Der Verstorbene ist umringt von einer Gruppe Trauernder, die meisten junge sowie Frauen mittleren Alters, die idente Kopftücher mit geblümten Borten tragen (wahrscheinlich eigens für diesen traurigen Anlass geborgt oder gekauft) – alle, außer einer, sind ebenfalls Fremde für mich. Die einzige Person, die ich erkenne, ist eine 14-Jährige, die etwas trägt, das wie eine grobe, zu große Männerjacke aussieht – meine spätere Großmutter, Maria.

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“Have You Suffered Enough?”
Europe’s Short Memory and Repressed Belarusians Now Seen as Aggressors

With the current obvious focus on Ukraine’s war against the Russian aggression, in the eyes of some people writing about Belarus might seem inappropriate, untimely. We still have water and roof; our kids go to school and we don’t have to run into the subway to hide from air raids of Russian boys who believe to be on “military training” or saving the Russian-speaking population from neonazi. A 20-years-old relative on my mother-in-law’s side has claimed that Putin was bombing Ukraine “very carefully”, which literally left me in shock at a mere co-existence of these words in one sentence. Comparing to our neighbors on fire, Belarusians are still okey. Our 1,085 political prisoners are okey. Our 46 liquidated human rights and civil society organizations are okey. Our south occupied by the Russian troops is, probably, not so bad, either. At least, we are alive, right?

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The Country of Chernobyl Children
Letters from Belarus

What’s wrong with those bastards? Why are they protesting? What do they want??”, a Lukashenko’s supporter shouts into a news camera at a pro-governmental rally in Minsk. “Those bastards” are Belarusians who come out into the streets every week to peacefully express their disagreement with the results of the rigged presidential elections and the brutality of the riot police against civilians. “Aren’t they happy with what we already have in this country? We have a variety of sausages in shops, we have cheese, milk and sugar! In the times of WWII, my grandmother had nothing! She had to eat potato peels not to die of hunger!

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Скромная, по музейным масштабам, бывшая офисная площадь в 110 квадратных метров вмещает впечатляющую коллекцию артефактов и документов – ее активисты Lambda Warsaw собирали с 1990-х. Около 12 000 сканов, предоставленных старейшей польской ЛГБТК-организацией, дополнили экспонаты частных коллекций: среди них фотографии, книги, открытки, предметы искусства и уникальная подборка квир-зинов.

В центре актуальной выставки – ироничное изображение Юзефа Пилсудского, занимавшего пост главы Польской республики в 1918-1922. Кароль Радзишевский (Karol Radziszewski), художник и основатель «Queer Archive Institute» (QAI), представил политического деятеля в задумчивой позе, с сигаретой. Согласно творческому замыслу, он изображен в момент принятия решения не вводить криминализацию гомосексуальных отношений в уголовный кодекс 1932 года, что сделало межвоенную Польшу одной из самых прогрессивных стран мира того времени.

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More essays published on HUKANNE media on queer topics:

Lesbians: Visible in Life and Death - READ

Not Feathers and Glitter Only: Queer, Burlesque and the Right to be Free - READ

What Auschwitz is Silent of - READ

Beyond Tractor and Saucepan - READ